Howdy! This past weekend was a rollercoaster. Friday started off well enough. I was making quick progress with a new woodburning when I suddenly realized it was September 20th. On the 20th of each month, I hear back on my First Friday application, First Friday being the regularly occurring event in Downtown Bryan Texas, where I sell my work. In the moment I caught the significance of the date, I also realized I never actually filled out and submitted my October application which was due on the 15th. I spent weeks prepping for this event, telling everyone about it, so excited because Halloween is my favorite holiday, and thus well represented in my work—All while somehow forgetting arguably the most crucial step in participating.
How did this happen? I have Calendar alarms set reminding me to apply for First Friday before the 15th because this (probably) isn't the first time I've made this mistake. That was two years ago and, as several vendors complained they didn't receive email responses from the host regarding that application, I haven't been sure if I really did fail to apply that time. But I know what threw me off this month. September 15th is my mom's birthday. She would've been 50 years old. Most likely, I was filming myself painting when the alarm should've triggered, and I never got the notification. Regarding my daily alarms that remind me to give Sonmi her epilepsy medication, I've learned to set extra via Alexa because my phone won't sound while filming and it's hit or miss as to whether I'll spot the reminder after. So, I missed the alarm, and rather than associating the 15th with my monthly application due date, I was focused on my mom, and her absence. Not that that excuses my forgetting. This is my job.
I don't handle disappointment well and I handle failure worse. After a quick cry, more out of self-directed anger than sadness, I called and emailed those hosting the event, offering to pay a late fee if they'd be willing to let me apply. I knew they wouldn't make an exception, but had to exhaust that option before moving on. They didn't and I did, sort of. Even before I heard back from them, certain of what they'd say, I hopped on Facebook & Google, seeking vendor opportunities for October, and found a handful. Within the span of an hour, I'd reached out to at least four potential hosts requesting information on their events.
It being Friday, nobody responded and I entered the weekend in a kind of business-limbo. Still, I spent much of Saturday working on Friday's woodburning, determined that, one way or another, I'd be selling art this October.
Yesterday, Sunday, was my 34th birthday and to celebrate, my husband and I went to The Real Unreal, a MeowWolf immersive art experience, in Dallas Texas, three hours from home. We've been meaning to go. The plan was to wake by 7am, handle the dogs, meaning feed them, give Sonmi her meds, bring them to the park, and leave the house by 9 to arrive in Dallas by noon, grab lunch, and be at MeowWolf by 2pm, which was our set time slot. That gave us 3 hours to explore, meaning we'd leave by 5pm to arrive home by 8, in time to give Sonmi her evening meds, feed and walk the dogs. But, as is the risk with breaking routine, I forgot to give Sonmi her morning pills.
Worse, my husband even reminded me but he did so a half hour before she was to receive them. I was worried we might run late leaving MeowWolf, and I didn't want her body to go without in the interim, if that makes sense. So her pills could be on time or slightly late but not early, in the morning. Which already wasn't going as planned. We left the house too late for the intended park, settling on a closer one, and returned from there late, etc. Her medication was forgotten in the shuffle, despite my two alarms that I swiped away. Why? I don't know. If my husband wakes before me, he gives her the pills in her food. When I wake first, I give them to her separately, in pill pockets. The pills are sorted by day so there is no fear one of us will mistakenly provide the dose the other has administered, but if one believes the other gave it and fails to check, she goes without. This has happened twice since her new prescription, which we began back in April.
We were on our way back from MeowWolf last night when it occurred to me that I didn't remember giving Sonmi her morning pills, and upon checking the case, we confirmed that dose hadn't been administered. Her current prescription is the extended release version, but we still have a couple of her old pills for exactly these sorts of emergencies. I cut up the remaining pill of her old prescription and added it to her extended release. Now I'm waiting, hoping she doesn't have a seizure. Her last seizure was after she missed a dose also when my husband and I broke routine. I'd returned home from a long trip, then. He'd been providing her meds while I was away. It was my first night back and it hadn't occurred to me to ask him if he'd done it. I have such immense pity for parents whose children die, forgotten in hot vehicles during shifts from routine because I get it. Sonmi is my baby and I still forget her pills.
What do I do now? Add a third alarm in case I swipe away the first two? I deleted Pokémon Go from my phone. Lost access to a video game isn't more upsetting than watching her seize, but I needed a consequence that impacted only me. I think I'm going to add checking the pill case, before leaving the house, to my routine. I already unplug the small kitchen appliances, check the doors are locked, that the unnecessary lights are off. Better she gets her pill an hour late than twelve. All I can do is move forward and try and be better today.
Anyway, this morning one of the hosts I messaged regarding October events, responded. She sent me an application form which I immediately filled out and submitted. If all goes well, I'll essentially be a part of First Friday, just from a slightly different location at a slightly higher price point (for me, not my customers). My husband likes to say everything always works out. I don't share his confidence but hopefully, this time, he's right. If we can get through this week without Sonmi having a seizure, that would be wonderful.
I'm not a big birthday person so none of this is really about that. Bad things happen whenever and this bad thing, these bad things really, are my fault. If the mistakes of this month result in better habits going forward, maybe they're worth it. I don't know.
I drop a new blog post every Monday. A bunch are lists of resources or me describing my various creative processes. Sometimes this is where I overshare. This is one of those. Thanks for reading and I hope you're doing well.
Newsletter:
Howdy! This past week I spent forever applying glow-in-the-dark layers to the jack o'lantern-pumpkin woodburning I've been looking forward to making, for ages. In retrospect, the background would benefit from less glow. I might go over some of that this week. Or not! Time will tell. I also made two little jack o'lantern woodburnings. The first is a chibi wizard and the second is an alien. I've got plenty of sketches to burn & paint and I'm looking forward to knocking them out.
I'm currently reading The Unbearable Lightness Of Being by Milan Kundera. It's a favorite novel of a friend, and from the title, I guessed it would offer themes of self empowerment like in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, or maybe The Alchemist. I'm 4/5 in and thus far the story is fast paced but there are low stakes and I'm not invested in a single character. The structure is unusual, in that the narrator breaks the fourth wall occasionally, reminding the audience that the story is fiction.
I'm currently plotting a new story but in the very early stages where I haven't even settled on a genre yet.
Thanks for stopping by! I drop a newsletter every Monday! Toodles!
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